When is there going to be an indie dance craze?

I'm not a party gal. I don't go frat it up on a regular basis, or at all really. But whenever I do get dragged along, I am bound to come across a trend that I cannot avoid...

The inevitable dance-off, with the song du jour.

I still don't know the Soulja Boy dance. I don't know what to crank when. Something about Superman? It's always bad when a row of people try to do it, and one stumble causes a domino effect of squeals and ankle snaps.

Beyonce has the Single Ladies dance, which has been parodied on SNL and countless remixes on Youtube. I saw a drunken man at Hapa do his best to show off his ring finger. By the look on his girlfriend's face, he was bound to be a single lady himself for a long time.

I don't listen enough to regular radio to get in the loop on what's the new dance craze, and it's a little unsettling. I don't want to be the old lady looking back on her youth and realizing, oh my gosh, I though the Mashed Potato was a side dish! I though the Twist was a soccer injury!

So I hereby propose an all-out call for indie artists to make dance songs. I'm not talking about any electronic hip-shaker, but a dance with specific steps, with style and grace and booty bouncing ingrained in the very lyrics. I want to go to a show at a dusky hole in the wall dive, and have everyone there suddenly break out of their head bobbing and gentle swaying for a line dance that only tightly-panted individuals could pull off. I want dances like the Soul Bleeder, the My-Girlfriend-Dumped-Me-Again-And-I-Hate-Her-But-Still-Love-Her Shuffle, the Refusal-to-Wash-My-Hair Twostep.

Mainly, on the off chance that I go to a frat house and by some blessed mistake Bon Iver comes on the iPod, I want to have the moves to impress. I want to dazzle. I want to be, dare I say, suave? Or the lady equivalent. Lady suave.

-Carolyn (That DJ who rambles, the girl who draws stuff for flyers)